Human Speed Humps
Leading presenter, author and educator in the areas of high-performance, cocky-direction, personal transformation and more Read full profile
The External Saboteur
Something's bugging me today. In fact this something has bugged me for a while but the last few weeks it has go increasingly obvious to me that virtually all of u.s.a. face similar challenges in one area of the creating-our-best-life process; back up, encouragement and understanding from others. Or the lack thereof. You've heard me speak many times about the internal saboteur and our propensity to go far our own way (nosotros all do that), well today I want to talk about the external saboteur; people who (for a range of reasons) aren't actually happy to see you succeed, achieve your goals, realise your potential or live your dreams. I could spend an hour or two telling y'all why they do this (jealousy, resentment, immaturity, revenge, insecurity, thoughtlessness, selfishness, stupidity), but I'd similar to focus on a solution for you lot, rather than explore their motives and mindset.
How Dare You Succeed
Y'all and I both know these people. Sometimes we live with these people. Work with these people. Socialize with these people. Care for these people. Even marry these people (shock, horror). Sometimes he/she is the last person anyone would suspect of continuing betwixt you and your dreams. Your ambition and drive bothers them because somehow they have created an association (in their mind) between your success and some kind of negative outcome or upshot in their globe. They say they care about yous (and peradventure on a level they do) but in truth, your happiness and success come a afar 2nd to their needs and wants.
Human Speed Humps
You might be amazed at the number of people who become quite emotional (bawl their optics out) when I talk with them simply because I show them more than support, encouragement and belief in one hour than their family or close friends (I utilise that term loosely) have shown them in a lifetime. These external saboteurs are human speed humps adamant to slow you down, if not, bring y'all to a grinding halt. They are not the reason nosotros neglect only if we don't deal with them in a applied, realistic and possibly blunt manner, and so we are letting them steer our ship, shape our reality and limit our potential.
Some thoughts…
1. Get them out of your life. Apparently this is not always possible, desirable, necessary or practical, however at that place comes a time, in some situations, with some relationships and some people, where the best selection is to remove them from your twenty-four hours to twenty-four hour period life. I know you know what I mean by this because we've all had that person in our life. I take walked away from several relationships over the years because I believed that'south what would be best for me in the long term. And it was. If people aren't happy for you lot to succeed, then they ain't your friend and you don't need or want them in your world. If you desire to know what (some) people really remember, ignore ninety per centum of what they say and sentry one hundred pct of what they do.
2. Spend limited time with them. Obviously there are certain people who will (probably) ever be in our life (family for example) but sadly, they are too often the people who potentially stand betwixt where we are now, and where we want to exist (if we allow them have that power). Some parents (not mine) have never told their children how talented, creative, clever, capable, valued or loved they are. They have never encouraged or supported them because they want to retain power and control in that very lop-sided, unhealthy human relationship. I know forty year-olds who are even so seeking parental approving and still handing over their power to beloved quondam mum (mom) and dad. Tragic.
3. Tell them what you feel. Sometimes a uncomplicated and honest discussion will change a state of affairs or a relationship almost instantly. Give the person clear, specific, relevant and meaningful feedback. Don't be vague, general or fluffy. Tell them exactly what you're feeling and why. A lilliputian short-term pain for some long-term gain
. If you don't take accuse of your life, someone else will.
4. Go some balls. Not literally of course. Sometimes we simply need to stand upwardly for ourselves and stop being the victim, the doormat, the scapegoat, the people pleaser and the personal slave. Make some decisions about your personal rules, values and standards and so build your best life around those. End compromising and get-go living.
5. Be (very) selective about who you share your dreams with. For all of my adult life I have been a highly motivated, driven and ambitious person. Past choice. Not particularly gifted but e'er striving to get the most out of my body, my career, my relationships and my potential; to maximize what I have. Several experiences early on taught me non to be overly enthusiastic nearly sharing my life goals and dreams with too many people. I learned to be selective and discerning nearly who I share my dreams with. When I established my commencement commercial business every bit a twenty 4 year-old with zippo business experience and minimal skills, I encountered far more resentment, resistance and criticism than I ever did support or encouragement. The people who were genuinely and unconditionally happy for me to succeed were few and far between. Past the mode, this is non a woe-is-me story, but rather an honest business relationship of my experience and I am not alone with a story like this. I accept a few select people in my world, who volition encourage and back up me when information technology'due south warranted and kick me in the donkey when necessary. And I need both. I trust them, appreciate them and value their input in my life.
So instead of slowing down for the speed humps or going around them today, perchance information technology's time for you to modify down a gear, striking the gas and bulldoze straight over them.
Works for me.
Source: https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifehack/human-speed-humps.html
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